59-365 Alberts Adventures with the Carling Cup

The day of the Carling Cup final.

As Albert had done some time in the army, he was given the very special privilege of guarding the Carling Cup until it was needed. Today was that special day where Albert had to hand over the cup to the competition.

Albert had looked after the cup so well, he was reluctant to let it go. He had polished it every day, so that he could see his face gleaming back at him. He had also locked it in a hidden, high security room. The room was password protected, fingerprint activated and retainer scanned, to stop people getting into it. Once a moth managed to get into the room by the air conditioning, this set the internal Alarms off scaring Albert into action to protect the cup.

Albert had to take these precautions because there was a lot of talk that someone was going to steal the cup to ruin the special day. Albert was not going to let this happen, and set up the most advanced security system ever known to man.

Albert had done such a good job of protecting it, the FA told him he could look after all there cups and trophies in the future.

58-365 Alberts Adventures with his chocolate addiction

Albert battles his sweet tooth.

When Albert woke up this morning, he had a thousand answer machine messages. Albert began listening to them...It was Sally, she had phoned to tell him that she wasn't feeling too well, then the next one was to tell him that her throat had swollen up. Albert was now getting worried. What was going on?

Then it dawned on him, Sally was allergic to flowers. In his kind gesture it giving her flowers, Albert had inadvertently given her a reaction but not the reaction he was after.

Albert was devastated and looked to the bottom of a box of chocolates to sooth his woes. He emerged himself in the gooey chocolaty goodness until he could eat no more. His box was tearing at the seams. He didn't feel any better that when he began.

Next thing Albert knew. he was in a hospital bed next to Sally with chocolate poisoning. What a day, from now on he will never buy her flowers or eat that much chocolate again.

57-365 Alberts Adventures on the wrong side of Sally

Day 57 on Albert's Adventures, and today Albert has to make things up to Sally.

After Albert beat Sally in the race last night, Sally had refused to speak to him, as she felt like he had cheated somehow. Albert didn't know what to do as he was adamant that he had not cheated.

This stalemate of silence lasted for the rest of the evening and the morning of the next day. Albert couldn't take it anymore and had to do something to make it up to her and get her speaking again. He went searching for the perfect gift, he bought her chocolate, no response from her. He bought her magazines, still not a whisper.

Albert then stumbled across a flower shop which had a beautiful bunch of daffodils. They were her favourite flower, so he bought them her, and it worked. Sally began talking to Albert again. Albert thought it wise not to mention the race again as he didn't want to upset her again.

56-365 Alberts Adventures at the races

Wakey races.

After their evening at the disco, Albert and Sally wanted to get out into the fresh air and enjoy the country side. While walking through the park, they began to remains about the little competitions they used to have between themselves.

Albert suggested that they have a race to the end of the path. Sally thought this a fun idea and started running. Albert followed but lost by quite a way due to Sally's head start. This time he said they should race home as it was getting dark. Again Sally set off first giving her a head start, but due to the distance, Albert was able to catch her up.

By the time they were on the final leg, they were neck and neck, and it was becoming an epic. Sparks were flying in their wake. Round the last bend, Albert took the lead and won the race. They were both exhausted but thought it was great fun.

55-365 Alberts Adventures with Hi Voltage

Fire in the disco.

While at home, Albert was reading the newspaper to see what events were going on in the area that he could take Sally to for an evening out. He was flicking through the pages when he came accross an advert for a disco night at their local pub. Albert gave Sally a ring and arranged a time to meet her there.

When Albert got there, Sally was nowhere to be seen. Then out the corner of his cardboard ear, he heard his favourite song. It drove him to the dance floor in a flourish of passion. Before he realised, he was doing twists and flips, and the atmosphere was electric. The crowd were watching in amazement as Albert stopped dancing at the end of the song.

The crowd erupted with applause, and standing amongst them was Sally, clapping harder than any other person. Albert had done her proud, and they managed to enjoy the rest of their evening together without too many dance interruptions.

54-365 Alberts Adventures with redbull

Today something amazing happened.

During Albert's busy day, his energy levels began to drop. So being the conscious person he is, Albert ran and grabbed a can own brand red bull. Unaware of the warnings the adverts tell us all on the TV, Albert drank the whole can in a matter of seconds.

That hit the spot, and Albert felt awake and ready for action. Then a strange feeling began to form in his stomach, like butterfly's trying to get out. Suddenly two wings sprouted from his back and began to flap, lifting him off the ground. Albert called for help but nobody was around to hear him.

Albert started flying all around the room, and once he had calmed down, Albert began to enjoy it. So this is what it must be like to fly, he thought. Albert started to see strange plants spurting out of objects around the room, the red bull was having a reacting differently in Albert and making him hallucination.

Then as quickly as the wings appeared, they vanished as the red bull passed through his system. Albert was sent crashing to the floor with an almighty bump.

53-365 Alberts Adventures on webcam

Day 53 and Albert battles technology again.

With another forecast of snow on the way, Albert didn't want o leave the house, so he could enjoy it in all its glory. However as Albert has been away the last few days, he has not seen Sally, and thought he better make an effort to see her.

So he dusted off an old webcam, and set to work installing it on the computer. As we all know from previous adventures, Albert plus computers equals disaster waiting to happen. While installing the software, Albert managed to corrupt his computer and had to take it to PC world to get it fixed.

They were very friendly there, and even set his webcam up for him for a small price. But this was of no concern to Albert, as he could of spent the next week trying to set it up. Once he got it home, he went straight online to Sally to have a video conversation which lasted the rest of the evening. Through all the stress and distractions, Albert had missed the snow, which had melted within a few hours

52-365 Alberts Adventures as a Daydream Believer

The Easter eggs are coming.

Albert had to pop to the shops to get some milk and bread. While there he couldn't believe that the Easter eggs were out already. As Easter is on the 4th of April, kids are going to be begging for them to their parents for over a month. Albert was pleased that he didn't have any kids to nag at him about them.

When he got home he sat down and had an afternoon nap. During his nap, he began to daydream about the Easter eggs he had just seen. Big ones, small ones, some the size of his head. Then suddenly the ground began to shake around him, and millions of lindor Easter eggs appeared from nowhere and took him off his feet.

They kept rising and rising until Albert was in the clouds, which were also made out of the eggs. This was crazy, all he could see for miles were these eggs. Then as quickly as they had appeared, they vanished. Albert was sent free falling towards the earth. Albert woke in a jerk from his afternoon nap and spilt his drink all over himself. What a crazy dream.

51-365 Alberts Adventures riding in the snow

Albert yours a loose cannon!

After his fun around the house with sally the last few days, Albert decided to get on his bike and hit the open road! As a true top gun fan, he got out his Maverick replica jacket and set off into the horizon with the sun glistening in his aviators.

Albert loves the Top Gun film, and has always seen himself as an ace pilot, but sadly has never had the chance to prove himself. Maybe now his a tank commander he will be able to get a transfer to the air force.

Sadly Albert's ride didn't last long, as with all the snow still on the ground, he kept getting stuck and cars kept splashing him with dirty slush. Albert was not happy as this was ruining his jacket which was a limited edition. Then suddenly a lorry drove past and sent an avalanche of slush at him which berried him underneath. By the time Albert had dug his way out, the jacket was in pieces, this was not a good day for Albert.

50-365 Alberts Adventures with snowballs

Day 50 and more fun in the snow

With Albert's snow dance working too well, Albert struggled to get out his house because the snow was taller than he was. This didn't deter him though as he was in a funny mood and wanted to play a practical joke on sally.

Albert climbed up high and made a snow ball so big that he couldn't lift it himself and had to roll it off the edge. As Sally came out looking for Albert, she was blissfully unaware what was about to happen. The first she knew of it were a few snowflakes fluttering down then there was a whistling sound, SPLAT. The snow ball hit Sally right on the top of her head and exploded. Sally staggered around wondering what happened, and fall over.

As she looked up, she saw Albert laughing so hard that he also fell off the edge into a big pile of snow. It all went silent, then they both burst out laughing. Sally rolled over and told Albert that it served him right to fall off the edge.

49-365 Alberts Adventures summoning snow

The mystical dance of snow!

Today Albert was telling Sally of all the fun he had been having on his snow adventures and how he wished that she had been around to share it with him. Sally was amazed at his achievements of climbing mount Everest and learning to snowboard. She then came up with an idea of how to get some snow back, my mystical and magical snow dance of the Inuit's.

Albert thought this to be a myth like the rain dance, but Sally was adamant that it would work. So they both went outside and Albert followed Sally's lead. It started by turning round in a circle until your vision went all blurry, then they crouched down and grab some earth, then throw it into the earth and shout LET IT SNOW.

As the soil came tumbling down, clouds filled the air and a chill came over them, here comes the snow! Albert and Sally were delighted that the success and jumped around in the snow!

48-365 Alberts Adventures at a dance off

Dance, dance, disco inferno!

Today was the day of the big dance show. Albert and Sally were going to entre together, as back in the day, they used to be dancing queens and entre competitions every week. People used to stand in oar at the grace the showed on the dance floor, gliding seamlessly across it.

They had not practiced for this competition though, so they were going to be a little rusty. The competition began and the judges placed them 6th out of 10 in the first round, but Albert was confident they could make the ground up over the next 5 rounds. And he was right, but the final round they were in second place and needed a 10 from all judges to get the win. Sally said they needed to do their signature move, the Double Decker. This involved both balancing on one are, but on top of each other.

It was coming to the end of the routine and Albert was nervous, was he going to be able to pull it off. But they went for it................and succeed!!! The judges gave them full marks and they won the competition!!!

47-365 Alberts Adventures on pancake day

Its pancake time!!

Today Albert gets to make his favourite food........PANCAKES!!! He loves the texture of them, and all the different toppings. Would he go with sugar and lemon, Honey, banana, chocolate spread, whipped cream, golden syrup, the possibilities were endless!

Sally decided to pop round again today, which made today even better for Albert! To celebrate, Albert decided to make an extra big pancake to share. But Sally had to help cook it, as the frying pan was too big to cook in on his own. While cooking, Albert got a little burnt by some of the oil spitting out of the pan.

Due to his injury, Sally decided to help feed Albert the pancake. This worked at treat, and was very romantic of her. Albert vowed to repay the favour when he was better.

46-365 Alberts Adventure with Sallys Return

The grand reunion.

After his amazing end to the day, with Sally's return, Albert couldn't wait to get up today. To begin with he cooked her breakfast. This caused a few problems as when Albert went to get an egg, he couldn't grip onto it, and the egg kept slipping out him arms and smashing on the kitchen floor.

For the rest of the day, the pair caught up and Sally was explaining what all her new foreign tattoo's meant. Albert was lots in her massive brown Amazonian eyes, and was thinking back to when they first met. Back then he was shocked at her size, but after discovering her mother was Amazonian it all made sense.

They spent the evening sitting round the candle on a beach talking and reminiscing. Sally explained how she had seen his picture in the paper and the adventures he had been on, and realised that Albert had changed. This was the happiest Albert had been all year. He now wondered what adventures were heading their way

45-365 Alberts Adventures on valentines day

Love is in the air.

Today Albert woke up wondering if he would receive any valentine cards. It's been a long time since he had any romance in his life now and he is beginning to feel lonely, but he wasn't going to let this ruin his day.

After he had checked the post box and nothing was there, he decided to go shopping for some new stuff. When he got into town, all he could see was couples celebrating valentine's day. So Albert cut his day short and went home.

When he got home, he saw a familiar figure at the door. Could it be? Albert began to run, as he got closer he realised it was...... SALLY

Sally had returned to her love as she had missed him too much, and Albert's heart filled with joy. There was something different about her though..................

44-365 Alberts Adventures in 3D

Today Albert went 3D

After hearing all the rave reviews of the Avatar in 3D, Albert decided that he had to see it. So he rang around to see if any friends would go with him, but sadly they had all already seen it and told him how good it was but wouldn't go see it again, so Albert had to go on his own.

When he got there, he couldn't believe the price of a ticket. If he went to see the film then he would have no money left over for his pick and mix, but he wasn't coming all this way not to see it, so had to go without pick and mix.

The evening progressed in this downward spiral for Albert as when he got in the cinema, there were only seats right at the back to sit. And due to his size, it was no easy task to climb steps, so Albert decided to grab onto sum1's trousers to get a lift to the top.

Once he finally made it up there, several people tried sitting on him, as they thought the seat was empty. Luckily for Albert though, the film started and people stopped moving. He really enjoyed the film by the end, but didn't think it worth all the hassle he had to go through to see it.

43-365 Alberts Adventures with smoke and mirrors

Day 43 in Albert's house.

Last night Albert was watching more magic shows trying to work out how to improve his own act. After a while he began to get board as they were only doing things he already knew how to do, so began to flick through the channels.

Just as he was about to give up, he came across this amazing trick of photos within photos and the same person in multiple places. He had to find out how to do it. The next day Albert phoned the magician up to find out the secret, but he was very reluctant to tell him. Albert kept him on the phone for most the day pleading to know, until he eventually wore the magician out and he told him.

Albert promised never to tell the secret and set it all up in his house. This was amazing, he now had a new closing act for his show that he was sure found send the public home thinking WOW.

42-365 Alberts Adventures in the last snow of the winter

IT SNOWED

After his ordeal yesterday, Albert came back to a white home! His cardboard heart filled with joy, the snow was back! Oh how he had missed it the last few weeks, but sadly this was not as thick as the previous snow.

With a sparkle in his eye Albert set out to enjoy that little snow that was around as he feared it was the last for the year. To start with he had snow ball fights with the neighbours, then made another snow man. To end, he made a self portrait in the now. After that, he went inside to warm up with a nice warm mug of chocolate and reflected on what a wonderful day of relaxing and playing in the snow he just had. Albert thought it didn't matter how old you were, snow could still make you feel like a kid again.

41-365 Alberts Adventures to Tibet

Day 41 and Albert is back on his adventures.

Today Albert travelled to the Tibetan mountains of Mount Kailash to seek out a special tribe know as the Kajinowa. This long lost tribe has not been seen by anyone in over 70 years and is rumoured to be extinct, but Albert thought that he was the mad to find them and prove their existence.

After a very long flight over and long hike, he finally made it to the mountain. Now where to start looking, what tracks were there to follow? Albert couldn't find anything and ended up walking around discontent, when all of a sudden a fork was hurled towards him. The impact knocked Albert to the floor and pinned him there. He was helpless and couldn't defend himself.

It was the Kajinowa people that had attacked him, they were still alive. The reason nobody had seen them for 70 years was because who ever saw them, was killed in a ritual sacrifice. Now Albert was in trouble, so he took a deep breath and thought about his martial arts training.

As soon as they lifted the fork out the ground, Albert jumped up and dived between their legs and ran for safety. He just about managed to get behind a tree before another fork was thrown his way. Albert managed to get back on the plane and fly home, wishing he had never gone there to help find the Kajinowa people.

40-365 Alberts Adventures in the jellybean machine

Albert celebrates appearing in the Birmingham Mail for the second week running!

Today Albert picked up his local paper and decided to see what the other photographers in the area had been up to. When he got to the page he was overjoyed to be greeted with another picture of himself. He couldn't quite believe it! Once was a great achievement, but twice in consecutive weeks was outstanding.

To celebrate Albert bought a giant jelly bean machine as he felt back on top of the world. When he got it home, he discovered he didn't have any more money to use to get any of the jelly beans out. This was torture for him, as jelly beans are his favourite food and being so close to them without being able to eat them was driving him mad.

So Albert being the nimble gymnast decided to climb inside the machine and try to get some out. It was a tight squeeze to get inside and Albert could just about reach the jellybeans when suddenly he got a shooting pain in his arm. Cramp had began to set in, and Albert could not move to stop it, he was stuck and this searing pain was making it even worse. He yelled for help, but no one could hear him inside the jellybean machine. So he began rocking side to side, until the machine fell on its side.

This didn't help as Albert was expecting it to break, then to Albert's disbelief, it began rolling to the edge of the table. He couldn't believe it, twice in two days he was going to fall off a table. He closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable, but it never came. Luckily for Albert the jellybean machine had got stuck on some sellotape, and he was able to escape.

39-365 Alberts Adventures at work

Today Albert returned to work.

In the current economic climate, it is surprising to discover that Albert actually has a job. Even more surprising is that he runs his own company and has 19 people on his work force. Today Albert decided to pop into work to check that everything was running smoothly.

When Albert walked into the office, everyone was pleased to see him, and asked how his adventures had been so far. Albert replied "you should of been keeping up to date on my facebook fans page" then stormed into his office.

Once inside he was greeted with a mountain of paper work that was taller than he was, so he began to jump at the top of the pile so that he could see what work had piled up for him to do. As Albert was attempting this, the desk fan turned round to face him and blew all his paper work off the table and across the floor, Albert also was blown off the table and into the bin.

Albert had to use bluetack to help scale the bin to safety.

38-365 Alberts Adventures riding a tortoise

Day 38 and Albert goes for a ride.

Albert has always been one for experiences and unusual activities. And knowing this, his friends got him a red letter day voucher for his birthday. As it was Sunday and the day of rest, Albert decided to use his voucher up on a relaxing adventure.

Some might consider using it for race car driving or a day in the spa, but Albert is not an ordinary person and wanted to use it on riding lessons. However these riding lessons were a little different to what people expect, as there are no horses involved. Instead Albert had booked tortoise riding lessons for today, as he thought they didn't travel very fast and he couldn't get too hurt.

For the first lesson, Albert was told to gain the tortoises trust by feeding it some lettuce, but strangely the tortoise seemed more interested in trying to bite Albert's arm off, so Albert opted to feed it an apple. This seemed to work, and the tortoise began on the apple. but as it bite into the apple, it slipped out his mouth and was sent rolling across the floor at the unaware Albert where it hit him straight in the face.

This little accident didn't deter Albert and eventually he managed to mount the tortoise and enjoy the rest of his day.

37-365 Alberts Adventures at the farm

After ruining his friends show the previous day, Albert felt the need to make it up to him by helping out on his farm.

Albert does not spend much time at the farm, because his quite scared of the animals and is not a huge fan of the smells that are there either. But as it was a favour, he couldn't refuse to help and had to go.

When he got there, his friend was nowhere to be seen, so Albert had a wonder round to look for him. He eventually found him in a field scratching his head, so Albert wondered over to see what was the matter. When he got there he found a cow that had got his head stuck in a fence and couldn't get it back out again.

Albert suggested that he pulled on the cow and his friend pushed, to help get it out. As they did this, the cow jerked backwards and became free. This happened so quickly the Albert slipped in the mud and landed in a cow pat. Albert was not amused as he still had the rest of the day to carry on working before he could get clean again.

36-365 Alberts Adventures playing the eggman

I am the eggman....

Today Albert was sitting in an English garden waiting for the sun, thinking what had he done so wrong to have so many accidents in the last couple of days, and how could he avoid any more trauma.

As these thoughts were bouncing around in his mind, a friend rang and asked if Albert wanted to take part in a gig tonight as one of the stage props. Albert couldn't see anything wrong in this so agreed to do it.

When he got to the gig, he was handed an egg suit to wear as his friends band was a Beatle tribute band and they wanted him to act as one of the eggmen in the famous song, "I am the walrus" by the Beatles. Albert was delighted to get this role, as this was his favourite song.

Sadly his joy was short lived as when he got onto the stage, he tripped and smashed his shell. Albert was devastated as he could not go on stage and perform anymore.

35-365 Alberts Adventures playing Jenga

JENGAAAAAA

After Albert's accident yesterday, he felt the need for a quieter day in today. So he invited his friend round to have a nice relaxing game of jenga.

As you can imagine, this game is quite difficult for someone of Albert's size, as once his taken a block out he has to then climb the block tower to place his piece on top. This can be very risky, as Albert has witnessed many of his friends toppling the tower while climbing it. Luckily for Albert, this has never happened to him as his an expert rock climber and can easily scale vertical rock faces.

However today Albert was a little stiff from his accident yesterday and playing the game was going to be a little difficult. He was first to go, and as he was pulling on the jenga piece he felt a twinge in his back. As he felt this, he lent on the jenga piece and sent the stack tumbling towards him! Albert was too slow to react and was buried under the jenga rubble.

Never has Albert or his friend seen a game ended so quickly!

34-365 Alberts Adventures crossing the road

Day 34 and Albert gets up in hospital.

After his thrilling day yesterday becoming a star, Albert was on top of the world, he felt invincible. Everything was going his way, he had never felt so alive, so today be felt that he deserved to treat himself to a new plasma TV.

On his way to the shops, he heard the ice cream van tune coming from down a road. Albert hadn't had an ice cream for years, so decided as everything was going so well for him, that he would have one. Without thinking, Albert began to run across the road.....BANG

Albert had not checked to see if any traffic was coming and as a result was tossed 12inches into the air! The car came skidding to a halt and the driver couldn't believe it, there was no damage to his car, this was because Albert was made out of boxes. Sadly the opposite could be said for Albert, and he came quickly down from his high of being famous to the agony of his broken boxes, no ice cream could of numbed the pain he was going through now.

Albert was quickly rushed to the local hospital where he was glued back together. Albert learnt the hard way that you should always look both ways when crossing the road as next time he might not be so lucky.

33-365 Alberts Adventure in the paper

Today Albert became a star!

With his adventures beginning to spread around, the local newspaper decided to do an article on Albert's amazing adventures, and in particular his adventures deep sea diving. The reason they chose his deep sea diving adventure was because this was a new world record for the longest deep sea dive with only one breath.

Albert was delighted to see his picture in the paper and couldn't believe that he was a new record holder and wanted to tell all his friends. However his friends had already seen the paper article and had already gathered outside Albert's house. As well as Albert's friends lots of people from the local area had started joined in with the celebration and were banging on the door wanting to see Albert.

Albert couldn't believe it, he was a local celebrity now and everyone wanted to know him. People were asking for his autograph and wanted their pictures with him. Albert was happy to oblige and kept his adoring fans extremely happy. By the end of the day Albert was exhausted and covered in lipstick, Albert thought "this was harder than holding my breath on that dive"

32-362 Alberts Adventures in the park

The beginning of February is a sad time for Albert.

This time last year Albert met Sally, who would go on to be the love of his life. Albert was running through the park when he came under attack from the swan. They chased him around the pond and were gaining on him inch by inch. Albert thought he was going to be bird food when out of nowhere, little gravel stones were been thrown his way.

Albert couldn't believe it, he was going to be eaten by a swan and someone thought it funny to throw stones at him. But then it became clear, this person was actually throwing stones at the swans to stop them chasing Albert. It worked and when Albert looked up there was Sally, standing over him with the golden sunlight shining behind her like an angle.

Sadly things did not last between Albert and Sally, as she wanted to go off and find adventures. She wanted Albert to come with her to see the world and all its wonders, but Albert didn't want to leave the place he grew up in, so she left without him.

It was this key moment in Albert's life that he decided he had to get out there and have adventures of his own. But today he visited the park he and sally used to walk together, for the first time since their split. All the memories came flooding back, and even though it's still winter, the sun was setting the same way it used to. Albert looked up into the sky and with a tear to his eye wondered where sally was now, and wondered if he would ever meet her again?